“My Daughter-in-Law Calls Complaining Her Husband Won’t Help at Home Anymore”: I Warned Her Many Times. I’m Unsure How to Assist Now

When Hailey first started dating my son, James, I noticed her tendency to do everything for him. From cooking every meal to tidying up after him, she never missed a beat. At first, I thought it was sweet, the way she took care of him, but I soon realized it might lead to problems. I gently warned her, “Hailey, it’s wonderful to care for someone, but make sure James learns to contribute too. It’s important for both partners to share responsibilities.”

Hailey laughed it off at the time, assuring me that she enjoyed this role and that James appreciated her for it. I dropped the subject, hoping for their best. They married a year later in a small ceremony in our hometown of Springfield. Everything seemed perfect, and in those early days, it appeared as though they had found the secret to marital bliss.

However, about two years into the marriage, I started receiving phone calls from Hailey. She sounded frustrated and exhausted. “He won’t help at all, Ruby,” she complained during one of our conversations. “It’s like he thinks I’m the maid. He leaves his clothes everywhere, and I can’t remember the last time he even offered to wash the dishes.”

I listened, feeling a mix of sympathy and frustration. I reminded her of our initial conversations and asked if she had talked to James about how she felt. She admitted she hadn’t, fearing it might cause a rift between them. I advised her to communicate her feelings clearly and assertively, hoping it might change the dynamics in their household.

Weeks turned into months, and the phone calls from Hailey became more frequent and desperate. She tried talking to James, but each conversation ended in an argument. James felt attacked and claimed he was too tired from work to deal with household chores, insisting that since Hailey had always taken care of these things, she should continue doing so.

The situation reached a breaking point one evening when Hailey visited us. She looked visibly upset and thinner than usual. Over dinner, she confessed that she was considering leaving James. “I can’t live like this, Ruby. It’s draining me,” she said, her voice quivering.

I felt torn. As much as I wanted to help my daughter-in-law, I also knew that James, my own son, was at fault. I suggested couple’s therapy, but Hailey seemed skeptical. “I don’t know if he’ll agree to it,” she said.

The last I heard, Hailey had moved back to her parents’ house to think things over. James calls me occasionally, sounding confused and regretful. “I don’t understand what happened, Mom,” he tells me. I try to explain, but there’s a part of him that doesn’t seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.

As I hang up the phone, I feel a deep sadness. Despite my warnings and their attempts, it seems they might be heading towards an unhappy resolution. It’s a stark reminder of how crucial balance and communication are in any relationship, and how easily they can be overlooked.